Auto Complete Adventures

 

As you may or may not know, Google, along with many other search engines, has a feature known as Auto Complete. Auto complete suggests searches that are similar to yours. Based on what millions of other users have searched, Google can hazard a guess as to what you are searching for. In the past months, Google has been subsequently mocked about what kind of things their website is suggesting. However, it’s not Google that chooses what is suggested. Google’s users chooses what is suggested. Google simply implemented the code that suggests popular searches. By typing the beginning of a common question (ie. where is my; why is there; how can I etc.) one can see which questions are the most asked by Google users. I find this to be an insightful look into the minds of today’s generation. Using Auto Complete, I’ll try to answer some of today’s most pressing questions. Let’s type in why is there into Google:

why is there…

  1. why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch
  2. why is there no channel 1
  3. why is there blood in my stool
  4. why is there fuzz on a tennis ball.

Ok. Well, at least some of these seem like legitimate questions. To answer number two, there is no channel one because the channel one bandwidth is set aside for people with mobile radios. Number four, the fuzz creates drag and therefore alters the ball’s path and speed. As legitimate as number three is (I’m sure that there are many people with blood in their stool) it seems odd to me that there are that many people in the world with blood in their stool. Maybe there is, and I’m just lucky. Who knows. If you have actually asked this question, I strongly suggest that you consult a doctor. Trust me, it’ll help.

And number one. I knew you’d be here, spoiling what seems like a serious set of questions. But, never fear, I have an answer for you too. Number one, you are obviously hiding something that the Pakistani government wishes to know. They have sent your deceased friend (let’s call him Bob, shall we?) to break your mind and get your secrets. Bob is not actually dead. Bob is pretending to be dead. He’s eavesdropping, Number one, eavesdropping. Be careful what you say; next thing you know you may end up in federal court. All because of Bob. I suggest you call the dead foreigners hotline. They’ll remove him free of charge and deposit the body at the local police station. Authorities should realize that he’s alive. Unless you’re in Los Angeles.

is your…

  1. is your refrigerator running
  2. is your blood blue
  3. is your cat trying to kill you
  4. is your mama a llama

Well, these seem easy enough. And they’re about me. I should be able to answer these.  Number one, let me check. I’ll be back in just a second. Yes, number one my refrigerator is running. Oh, wait. You’re a tricky one number one, very tricky. Number three, my cat is right next to me now. He’s sound asleep. Holy cow! Ouch! No! Bad cat! Since when do you have a machete? Just kidding. Who’s the tricky one now, number one?  Number two, I can confirm that my blood is red, not blue. And number four, no.

There you have it, folks! Using Google as my guide, I have resolved some of life’s most asked questions. But I am not the only one with this power! You, too can become a psychiatrist using only the internet and your imagination. And my mom says that the internet is making us dumber! I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I receive my Nobel prize.

 

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Comments
2 Responses to “Auto Complete Adventures”
  1. Thomas says:

    Hi Brennan
    Can see you have changed you webdesign a bit. Nice to see that you a back blogging again 🙂

  2. Brennan says:

    Thanks! I’ve actually switched over to Blogger now, so this blog will become a bit inactive. 😦

    Anyways, my new and (hopefully) last blog is here: http://walrusnoise.blogspot.com.

    Thanks for all of your support Thomas! 🙂

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